When someone you know is living with Alzheimer’s disease or another dementia, you may notice changes in how they talk, act or respond to you. As the disease progresses, it can change how they understand others and express their thoughts and emotions.
You may worry about saying the wrong thing or feel unsure when they forget your name or repeat the same question. But even as memory and language change, one thing doesn’t: the need to feel seen, heard and valued.
“Communication is how we connect,” said Janice Greeno, MA, the senior outreach program manager at Banner Sun Health Research Institute and Banner Alzheimer’s Institute. “Even when words are hard to find, people with dementia still need to be understood, respected and included.”
You don’t have to be perfect to connect – you just have to be present. Whether you’re a family member, neighbor or friend, you can use simple communication strategies to build trust and make someone living with dementia feel safe and supported.
Read on to learn why communication still matters with dementia and three important ways to connect and communicate.
Why communication still matters with dementia
Dementia changes the brain. These changes can affect memory, language, thinking and behavior. As a result, someone with dementia might:
- Take longer to understand what you say
- Repeat themselves
- Forget names or familiar words
- Struggle to stay on topic
- Use words that don’t make sense together
- Switch back to a first language
- Become quiet or withdrawn
These changes aren’t just verbal. Nonverbal communication may change as well.
“You may notice facial expressions of confusion or frustration, or even signs of pain like grimacing or holding an arm,” Greeno said. “Tone of voice can also change based on emotion, even when words are hard to find.”
Even if someone with dementia struggles with words, communication remains a lifeline. It’s how humans feel connected, respected and safe.
“People living with dementia need to know they are valued as they navigate the challenges of the dementia journey,” Greeno said.
Unfortunately, there’s often a stigma around dementia that causes others to speak about the person instead of to them. But with small shifts in how you listen and respond, you can help them feel heard, respected and loved.
Three ways to communicate with someone who has dementia
1. Verbal communication: Speak with kindness and patience
Speaking with someone with dementia may take more time, but your tone, clarity and attitude can make a big difference. Try these tips:
- Use their name and make eye contact: This helps get their attention and shows respect.
- Speak slowly and clearly: Use short sentences and words that are easy to understand. Give them time to respond — sometimes up to 30 seconds.
- Include them in the conversation: Talk directly to them, not just to the people around them.
- Shorten sentences and questions: Offer two choices (“Do you want coffee or tea?”) or yes/no questions instead of open-ended ones.
- Involve them in simple decisions: Let them choose a snack, help set the table or pick a song.
- Be calm and positive: Use a gentle voice. Avoid raising your voice or sounding frustrated.
- Avoid correcting or arguing: It’s better to go with the flow than insist on being “right.” If they say something untrue, try redirecting gently. For more tips, read “Ways to Avoid Conflict with a Loved One with Alzheimer’s.”
- Acknowledge emotions and gently redirect: You don’t need to understand every word to respond to their feelings. If they seem upset or confused, gently name the emotion: “You look like something is bothering you.” Then offer comfort and, if needed, guide the moment in a new direction with reassurance.
- Repeat or rephrase if needed: If they don’t understand the first time, say it again in a slightly different way.
Greeno suggests using encouraging phrases like “Let’s do this together” instead of “Don’t do that.” The goal is to support – not control – the conversation.
2. Nonverbal communication: Let your body language speak
Communication isn’t just about words. In fact, when words become harder to find, body language, tone and facial expressions often become more important.
“Your emotions are contagious,” Greeno said. “Even a smile or a calm posture can help someone feel a little more safe and at ease.”
Here are some nonverbal ways to connect:
- Slow down: Before interacting, take a deep breath to help you feel at ease.
- Keep a relaxed, open posture: Don’t cross your arms or look tense.
- Get on their eye level: If they’re seated, sit down beside them.
- Smile gently and maintain eye contact: A warm expression can say more than words.
- Use gestures and visual cues: Point to what you’re talking about. Show them a photo or calendar when referring to something.
- Establish consistent and familiar routines: This provides security and predictability.
Touch can also be a powerful tool if the person is comfortable with it. A gentle hand on their shoulder, a hug or holding hands can help them feel connected and cared for.
3. Other ways to connect
When words are difficult, you can still communicate in other ways. Shared experiences, familiar routines and quiet time together can be just as meaningful as conversation.
Here are ideas for connecting with engaging and enriching activities:
- Listen to music together: Play a favorite song from their younger years. Music often stays with people even in later stages of dementia.
- Look at old photos or keepsakes: Reminiscing can spark memories and feelings.
- Spend time in nature: Sit outside, garden or even watch birds out the window.
- Do a favorite activity side by side: Do a puzzle, make a snack or watch a lighthearted show or movie.
- Sit quietly and be near them: Just being present can be calming and comforting.
“Even without words, these quiet moments show someone that they’re not alone,” Greeno said. “You’re telling them, ‘You matter to me.’”
When to ask for help
Sometimes communication gets harder – and that’s okay. You don’t have to figure it out alone. If communication becomes difficult or you’re feeling overwhelmed, seek help and support.
You may want to consider:
- Asking your health care provider for recommendations
- Reaching out to a dementia support group or memory café
- Connecting with local community resources through the Alzheimer’s Association or Area Agency on Aging
- Reaching out to Banner Family and Community Services
You can also grow your confidence and skills through free Banner Health programs like:
- Dementia Friends information sessions
- Dementia Untangled podcast has 100+ episodes
- Education and support events through Banner Health
Takeaway
You don’t need to have the perfect words. Just being present with patience, warmth and care makes all the difference for someone with dementia.
“Every moment of connection – verbal or not – matters,” Greeno said. “Speak with kindness, listen with compassion and remember that even small gestures can have a big impact.”
Learn more about dementia support and services at Banner Health.
